Wednesday, May 26, 2010


In just a matter of weeks/days/hours/seconds so much can change. I guess that is a part of growing up. If you choose to be stagnant and refused to move along with time, you might as well be dead. For the past one year I’ve undergone a lot of changes, which came rapidly. From getting married, being pregnant soon after, giving birth to Ryan and now being a mother, I’m forced to take on new responsibilities with each new role I have.

The thing about change is not everyone can accept it. It’s quite weird, they can see the changes taking place but they can’t accept it. Take for example: Hanging out. I’m not one of those people who don’t socialize just because I have a baby. I do go out but there’s some restrain. You can’t expect me to go out till late night, doing god knows what, with god knows who. It is not that I no longer know how to have fun because I’m married with a baby, is just that nowadays my definition of FUN may differ from what it used to be.

Technically, even though I’m always a part of a “group” back in school, university etc, I’ve always chosen to do my own things. I don’t do something just because everyone is doing it. Despite hearing my own friends gossiping behind my back( I think it was “Cuba tunjuk baik” "Rasa Cool" "Thinks she's better than us") for not wanting to be a part of something they are doing, be it choosing a different elective class, dressing or smoking, drinking etc I’ve never cared (or maybe I do care but I don’t let it bother me much)

I’ve come to accept very early on that you can’t go along with people just for the sake of it, because when things go wrong they won’t necessary be there. Some may be unintentional due to surrounding circumstances but some people would bail on you when the going gets tough. I know that, I have to admit if it was a choice of saving my own ass and another person, of course I would choose to ME. It’s only human.

However, I try not to judge people on their decision indiscriminately. I won’t say I’ll never judge because I judge people on a daily basis. I can’t help it. It’s the way you make assessment on things, but I try not to be judgmental and have certain preconceived notion on how things are supposed to be. Honestly, I’ve seen enough to know that things are rarely black or white. I’m as liberal as my religion allow me to be and I still hold true to that belief now (albeit with a bit more experience and knowledge)

So please don’t give me the crap that I’ve changed, malas nak layan people because I’m married(thinks I'm more superior) and being a mother makes me boring etc. I’m like this because I CHOOSE to be. I refused to be a part of something because you want me to be. On being a good friend, I think you should UNDERSTAND by now that if you need me you can call, email, sms, FB message, Tweet, write a letter etc. You can’t expect me to know something is wrong if you don’t tell me about it. Contrary to what you may think I am not a psychic. You KNOW I’m not the type that will go around and call to see if something is wrong with you.

I know not everything revolves around me, but it does not revolve around you too. Things change and a good friend will embrace that instead of insisting that thing should stay the same like it was 5, 10, 15 years ago.

Haha suddenly this post became so panjang and melalut :) Speaking of changes Lan, Ryan and I will be undergoing a HUGE change soon. Will blog more on it when everything is in order. A lot of challenges ahead but insyallah we will work on it one step at a time. I’m so excited but super scared at the same time. Ya Allah permudahkanlah urusan ku ini. Amin


najwa said...

i wrote something similar abt people change in my blog and i know how it feels 2 b at the other side n c dat ur friends change to become a wife and a mother while im still taking care of myself..but one thing for sure..people change all da time not just by becoming a wife or a mother n u cant expect dat ur friend 2 b da same dr dulu till now..i mean im so selfish if i expect u as a mother 2 b like me who is single n goes out most of da time n expect u 2 b dat way as'll b so selfish of me 2 even consider 4 u 2 do something like dat..someone like me who is stil single have 2 accept and adapt dat my friends change together with the responsibiities that are now on a friend, ive 2 accept n support n hope that we can remain best friends like we used 2 be despite da changes, differences dat we will face along the way..dat is my wish n i hope it can b realized..luv ya mummy ryan..take care..

~f@R~ said...

panjang gila najwa... sweet though...luv ya too rajoo