Thursday, March 28, 2013

Which way to the Zoo??

We've been wanting to go to the zoo in ages but there's something always stopping us, be it weather, sickness, kenduri-kendara or just plain malas-ness. Last Thursday Lan and I took leave to send my parents in law off to Mekah to perform their umrah. We brought Ryan along as he was on school holidays (wow I have a child who's on school holidays- old haha). 

My PIL checked in around 11am so we had a lot of time on our hands... I had listed down a few pre-schooler friendly places for us to go to such as Petrosains, Taman Burung, Butterfly Park, Shopping complexes (haha) but Lan was adamant that he wanted to go to the zoo (oh well he must have been missing his "friends" at the primate park :p ) so we drove all the way from Putrajaya to Hulu Klang (macam jauh je haha)

We reached the Zoo around 11.30am and the sun was shinning brightly. I quickly changed to my flat-est shoes, insisted on bringing the stroller and digging out the umbrella. I was wearing a jumpsuit and a chiffon top, not the most zoo friendly outfit since I started sweating like crazy before we even reached the ticket counter, but Ryan was excited so that is enough motivation to put some spring in my steps.

The elephant, giraffe, pony, flamingo, landak and camel.
There's more animals picture but it is all in my DSLR.
I shall upload it (one day) into our "travel blog" ok :p
 At the ape centre discussing our next destination.
Ryan was pointing at the map and himself saying - "nak tengok Ayen"
Confused kejap... why would he want to see himself?
ohhhhhh it finally dawned to me...
He wanted to see the LION-Ryan? geddit?
"A day in the life of si peyat..." 
I shall blog more about this (someday ;p) 

 Monkey facts

 Hi I'm Ellie the elephant 
I dont think it is his/her real name. 
I'm just making it up as we go along :p

Anyway we were pretty lucky that 70% of the animals are up and eating when were there.
In fact si Ellie was busy eating sugar cane handed to him non-stop by the other visitors
Ryan was entralled by the process..

 Why they chain the elephants?
Not because they're cruel ok..
It's for their own safety-la

 Miss Giraffe(s)
Who looked happy and kenyang :) 

Bringing the stroller was a good bet
because after 2 hours Ryan was too tired to walk and he got a bit moody.
It guess to hot sun got to him (and me)

Anyway I saw this woman (who I assume is CRAZY)
because she was walking around in an outfit suitable for photoshoot, full face make-up and 5 inch heels (bukan wedges ye.. HEELS)
I have nothing againts heels, in fact I love any form of shoes
but walking around uneven terraces and pathways in those shoes are just plain suicide..
padan muka balik rumah mesti blisters
I told Lan, that she must be from the "blogger tegar" community
self torture in order to get gorgeous IG photos.. hahaha

It was a fun filled activity for a 4 year old who's able to appreciate the animals and the surroundings
I'm happy that Ryan is happy-la
However, the condition of the park is a bit sad, mostly due to the fact that it is undergoing major constructions in some of the habitat areas. Hopefully they'll get more interesting animal back in ASAP
For example the African Lion is missing, yg tinggal is one very bony Asian lioness with not bushy hair -__-
I would also like to suggest some improvement to their "Savannah Park" which really looked like the park in front of my house je hahah

Where to next?
Maybe we should go back to Malacca and bring the kiddies to the Malacca zoo next. If my memory serves me right it is more exciting ohh and I heard the Taiping zoo is not bad as well...
Yeap we shall have a few sessions of Cuti-Cuti Zoo Malaysia planned :)
*in sha allah*

But we shall wait until election is announced ok babies
Selagi tak GE13 jangan harap la nak book any holidays coz daddy is on standby to report for duty :(

Friday, March 22, 2013

The Bad Mom.s Club

Or is it a support group?

When you’re a parent, you’ll usually fall under certain category and later be “judge” for it.

If you’re a Stay At Home Mum (SAHM) – the label is you’re a sell out and a disgrace to feminist everywhere for chaining yourself to the kitchen and your kids

If you’re a Career Mum (CM/WM) – you’re deemed to not care about your child enough to give up your career to be there for their first step, first word, second smile, 50th poo (you get the drift)

The war between these two is an ANCIENT one but still ongoing. I can imagine 1000 years ago a cavewoman who decided to hunt a T-Rex getting the evil eye from her homey (cavey) counterparts who is deemed “weak” for staying in her hole. I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum (albeit a shorter period on the SAHM side) take my word for it- either way is difficult.” whatever works for you and family la kan?

Today I want to talk about the Super Mummy Vs. Bad Mom Club (BMC)

The “SUPERMUMMY/SUPERDADDY” – who seems to be be able to do EVERYTHING right, their children are not only well behaved, breastfed till they are 4, speaks in 3 different languages, eats everything on the plate (from oranges to kumquat to octopus legs), extremely discipline, never threw a tantrum, do not eat any form of junk food,sodium, gluten, sugar and non-organic ANYTHING and always immaculately dress . They also NEVER scream, shout, and smack their children because for some reason time outs always worked.Their problem is just one: THEY FREAKING JUDGE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WHO DOES NOT DO THINGS BY THEIR BOOK

The BAD MOM/PARENTS: They take “short cuts” in parenting (i.e. bribe their kids with sweets so that they’ll stop crying or give picky eater whatever they want as long as they eat). Their children has tantrums, extremely clumsy, uses binky/pacifiers, not diaperless by the age of 2, watches TV and play with IPads (it’s a long list of offences) The parents “discipline” their children by screaming, shrieking, meltdowns etc. 

My confession? I’m one of them

Actually the BMC are not made of bad mothers. Far from it, because most of them are awesome parents who chooses not to do things by the book or based on “what’s in”. The best thing about the members of BMC is that they’re extremely helpful and tends to judge less. It is easier to “confess” to them without feeling like a total failure.

I choose NOT to talk about some of my “real parenting” issues with just about anyone for the simple reason that they judge and sometimes make unfair and thoughtless comments. Some won’t even let you “complaint” because they’re all “sapa suruh have banyak kids” (Someone actually said this to me) At that time I wanted to retaliate by saying “I was ready to have a SECOND child but Allah gave me THREE, are you suggesting that I blame god?” Of course I didn’t but that is beside the point. The point is I need people who “get” what I’m going through and can give useful input

Alhamdullilah… I have a few of them in my life:  my mummies friend  from my Dino years, mummies friend at work and mummies mates from Twitter and Blog. I may not have a gabijilion of them but the one that I have really do help me a lot. At the same time they also teaches me empathy and understanding.

Take this scenario for instance. When you see a Kancil with let say 4 kids in them some of whom may not be in car seats the “supermummy” would say “How irresponsible, they should get car seats for all the kids or have someone with them all the time”. 

The BMC would reason out “Ok that is dangerous but maybe they don’t have the budget to buy car seats, maybe they don’t have someone to help them out etc BUT I do wish they put on safety belts on the kids though” 

The problem with SOME “Supers” is they come from overly privilege families, where money and help is NEVER an issues. They set such high standards for themselves, which to me is good but the problem is they try to impose the same standards to the society at large (which is annoying). There is no one size fits all solution for everyone. Quoting Tolstoy- Anna Karenina “All happy families are alike, unhappy families are unhappy in their own way” – Everyone has their OWN problems, you don’t need to add to it and make them feel bad. 

What sparked this long winded blog post? This Yahoo Entry (Click). What the parents did may be humiliating but I seriously think it was done without malice and due to extreme helplessness on their part. I don’t agree with them being labeled as “worst parents ever”. Quoting someone from the comments section "Good parents worry about outcomes. Bad parents worry about their children liking them” 

Finally, my assessment on “super mummies” who never had a bad day? In the era of Instagram and FB where you can pick and choose pictures to portray you in the best light and where you can easily censor the REAL happenings at home even nut jobs like Kim Kardashian can be a contender of mother of the year.Fullstop

Have a great weekend everyone…

Friday, March 15, 2013

Understanding His Tiny Feelings

Ryan was playing with his cars yesterday when Iman came and started throwing his perfectly lined up cars. He screamed at her once and Iman not fully comprehending the situation continued to mess up her brother’s play area. After a while Ryan got pissed off and pushed Iman away. She fell on her heavily padded buttocks and started crying. No harm done, as she instantly stopped wailing her lungs off once I picked her up.

Automatically, I gave Ryan an earful for pushing off his sister and walked away leaving him alone. He of course felt totally “victimized” and started crying. I did not immediately pacify him, as I felt a bit annoyed that he’s being unreasonable and for the fact that refuses to share any of his toys with his sisters. 

After a while everything was calm in the Lan-Far household. I had a bit of a time to reflect and truthfully I felt a bit guilty for railing off at Ryan. Looking at it from his point of view, his actions are understandable. He was playing peacefully by himself and adik was the one who “started it”, how is it fair that he got scolded but not his sister? So I had a heart to heart talk with him before bedtime: 

M: Ryan sayang adik tak?
R : Sayang
M: Kenapa push adik tadi?
R: Adik ambik car Ryan
M: Ryan janganla push adik, adik sakit, Ryan pinjam kan la car Ryan kat adik
R: No, adik cannot take car Ryan
M: (Realizing that this would not go anywhere decided to try on another approach) Ryan sayang adik kan? Tapi Ryan MARAH that adik suka kacau Ryan
R: *nodding* ah ah adik suka sepah sepah
M: Hmmm itula, tak baik kan adik suka kacau Ryan, Nanti mummy “teach” adik to not kacau Ryan anymore. Can you help me?
R: Ok, adik takleh kacau
M: Ryan sayang adik?
R: Sayang
M: Ryan jangan tolak adik lagi ok. Nanti adik fall down, darah, kena pergi Dr Chong
R: Ok
M: (I decided to leave it at that)
*3 minutes later*
R: Mummy?
M: Yes baby
R: Takleh tolak-tolak adik tau, nanti adik fall, nanti adik darah. Can play je
M: Ok

Lesson learned? 
1. A child misbehaved not necessarily because he wants to annoy you or just want your attention but maybe because it is the only way for him to express himself. 
2. As a parent I need to learn to help Ryan understand and identify his feelings. He needs to know what is anger, disappointment, pain etc and learn to deal with it. I shall not blindly shield him from negative feeling because it is inevitable for him to face them one day. I however can assist him to control his reaction to them.
3. I shall learn to CONTROL MY feelings and MY REACTION towards them. 

Let’s walk the talk shall we?

Monday, March 11, 2013

The one on weekend past and present...

Last week I grudgingly followed my husband on his office trip to Legoland and JPO. I didn't want to go because I wanted a relaxing weekend and envisioning spending the whole day in a bus in not my idea of relax. If you recall, we were just there less than 3 months ago, so I wasn't exactly jumping with excitement. Lan of course used Ryan as an excuse and Ryan was all "mummy nak go Legoland" repeat 100x so I said yes.We had to leave Iman and Ranya at home because logistic wise it wasn't convenient nor is it practical to bring them. The thought of leaving them for 32 hours sucks but both mummy and baby survived in the end (spoiler haha)

 I have to admit that we had more fun this time around because Ryan get to go on more rides and there were less people around so virtually no lines and 1/2 the waiting time

 The weather was scorching hot first half of the day and then it started raining
We still manage to cover the whole park, so I'm a happy camper...

 Click here for more pics on Our 2nd Legoland Adventure

 The price of dragging me to the other end of the country? a new bag :)
hehe no la more like MY anniversary present and a present for my mum since it was her birthday
We reckoned that she  deserve the special treat, though I got reprimanded for spending so much on the bag
My sis and I got the "spending genes" from my dad, I'm still not over the fact that she turned down my dad's offer for an LV bag when my sis was in Paris 2 years ago, if it was me, tak offer pun will offer diri sendiri hehehe

 Our "Arabian Saturday". 
My in laws had kenduri tahlil and doa selamat this week, so I donned the kids in their new jubah and kurta's from Mecca. Comel to the max...
Check out Ranya "combing" her hair. Budak perasan "princess"

Ok this are not the pictures of the same person :)
Left is Ryan and Iman and Right is Ryan and Ranya
Though I can tell their differences in person, sometimes it is harder to do so in pictures because the can really look identical. Thank god they're old enough to recognized their names, you'll see them looking up at you when their names are called.

Anyway, I just found out something hilarious, every day when they reached school, the teachers will do a "tummy check" on the twins to determined who's who. Hahaha kesian my girls everyday kena flash. Life with twins are never boring,huh?

Have an awesome start to your week everyone...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The one on sinking "friend"ship...

Last few months, I find that I really learn a lot about people around me. This consist of “friends” (notice how they are in inverted commas”), people who I “think” I know, people I don’t really know but want to get to know better and people who don’t know me but acted like they do. I also learn that a person’s reaction to news and how they reacted to it (especially in social media) speaks volume of their own character.

I wonder about these interesting specimens:-

1. Self-absorbed people who thinks that the world revolved around them. These people are the type who goes “ohh I can’t talk to you, you don’t understand me”  and makes you feel horrible for being a bad friend, but when you reflect back, you’ll realized that for the past 5,10 or 15 years you’ve known them rarely or never have they asked “how are you”.You’ll realize that though you know most of the things that is going in their life, they can’t say the same about you. They usually won’t give a rats ass about you because you don’t make “lepaking” with them number 1 priority in your life? The worst part is in the end of the day the blame will go to you : because you’re married, because you have children. Take note you’re not even the one using these excuses. They are!

2. How about those friends who’ll only be there when they NEED you? Of course you can’t say anything because it is considered “mengungkit”. I think the imperative word here is not “keihklasan”, I am sincere when I do things for the people I care about but that does not mean that I do not want to be appreciated. Bila nak mintak tolong, I love you lah, you’re the best la but when they get what they want “poof” semua hilang…

3. On the extreme end, how about this great friend who would be there for you when you’re in a bad place but will disappear, when good things starts to happen??? It is like they can’t be happy for you at all.

4. Another annoying species, people who don’t know you but for some reason are just so “busuk hati” and so pissed off with you for reasons only known to them. I want to refer to a specific incident but in order to protect someone that I care about, I shall not make further reference to the incidence which has greatly annoyed me since.

    5. I’m so turned off FB lately, with all the happenings in Sabah, a group of “keyboard warriors” have surfaced and polluting my timelines. Suddenly everyone is a military expert, season politicians, war lords and even Horatio Caine :p All I can say is watching episodes of Criminal Minds and playing Counterstrike does not make you an expert, no one cares about what you have to say and you end up looking like a huge douche bag :p I sometimes wonder whether politics has desensitized the thinking of these people so much so that they have become heartless? When they type all of this hurtful nonsense, have they ever stop to wonder, that someone who have just lost their loved one forever may be reading and it may cause further hurt to a person who may just want their husband, father, son etc back?

I know I’m not perfect. I have my moments when I can be horrible and bratty. Lately I’m more aware of my behavior (or try to be) and have toned down a whole load of nastiness. However, that does not mean I would put up with nonsense “just because”. Being a good fried sometimes goes beyond "just listening" and I'm not going to say something just because that is what you want to hear. I'm not an enabler and I do not want to be one.

I treasure my relationship with my friends and appreciate everything they have done (or not) for me but in the end “you get what you give”. I remember a dua’ that I made in front of Kaabah two years back for Allah to grant me with everything and everyone who is good for me. Past months have really shown me who I can truly rely on through thick and thin and for that I’m grateful. Alhamdullilah and I love you (you know who you are)