Thursday, February 2, 2012

Mode: Separation Anxiety

I'm currently home alone.

Today is Iman and Ranya's second day in "skool". After much discussion with Lan, my mum and the twins second main day caretaker which is my dad :p We've decided that the girls would be going to the same daycare as Ryan.

I'm planning on an extended no-pay 30 days maternity leave, which I have no idea whether it has been approve yet ;p if it is indeed approve (pray to Allah that it will) I'm planning to rotate taking care of each child alone with me a week. For example : Monday with Iman, Wednesday with Ranya and Friday with Ryan. So each kid will have quality time with mummy.

Lan and I are slowly getting the groove of being a parent of 3 children. The main challenge is trying to meet the needs of Iman and Ranya while making sure that Ryan does not feel left out. Sometimes I feel really horrible because I know that no matter how Lan and I try to be the best parents to our kids something will still fall short.

The best example I can give you is this, Iman HATES to be bottle fed be it EBM or formula so when I'm with her she will insist on direct feeding, which really sucks for Ranya because she will have less time with me. I'm lucky that my youngest baby is quite understanding as she will drink milk from the bottle with less fuss, however there are times when Ranya needs attention the same time when I'm tending to Iman. The worst part is if they only want comfort from ME despite having 3-5 other adults at home, so one starts crying and the other will start screaming too. When all this is happening, sometimes I admit Ryan will be sidelined since everyone aim is to make sure that the twins will stop crying. so that is when the 3rd tantrum from Ryan will start. So i end making all 3 unhappy, which is kinda depressing if you think about it

I do try not to dwell on things I can't change. My main aim is to give my children the best and going all bipolar about things will not help anyone. Of course there's going to be shortcomings on my part, I expect a lot of things to get harder before things get easier : triple expenses, triple pain and sufferings, triple fever and sleepless nights, triple snot sucking, triple bedtime tantrums etc but at the same time I've been blessed with three gorgeous kids who can made my day with their smiles, incoherent gurgles and the most adorable antics.

When things get really tough and I think I can't go on, I try to remind myself that Allah will not test someone beyond their capabilities and when I was in Mecca I remember ending each prayer for Allah to give me what he thinks is best for me even if that is not what I initially wanted, so if my creator have given me the very best, who am I to question his faith in me. Anyway, nothing that is truly worth it comes easy,right?

Ok since tengah mode jiwang (or more like separation anxiety) I would like to dedicate this para from the song Sedetik Lebih to my 3 munckins. For some reason everytime I listen to the song it totally reminded me of them...

"Di kala penuh ketakutan dengan badai kehidupan
Ku bersyukur adanya kamu
Biarlah kehilangan semua yang dimiliki di dunia
Asal masih adanya kamu

Ternyata ku perlukan cinta dari dirimu sayang
Barulah terasa ku bernyawa
Kasihku ku amat mencintai kamu
Kerana kau beri erti hidup
Ku kan terus mencinta sedetik lebih selepas selamanya"


Nada Fal said...

I'm an expectant mom of a twin -just started my 20th week-, too, and I'm freaking out because no one in my family or close circle of friends has an experience in this. Thank you dearly for taking the time to write, even though your sched must be tight with the babies. May Allah help you, just as He blessed you with you gorgeous twin :-)

~f@R~ said...

Congrats dear on the good news. I know what you mean,it is hard to find someone who's going through the same experience in raising twins, so am glad if my stories can help in any way :)good luck with ur pregnancy and hopefully it will be a smooth journey *insyallah*