Tuesday, October 7, 2014

The day I lost my Ienanononi....

Last weekend was supposed to be a relaxing and happy week. It started fine and I was having a super relaxing Sunday constructing a fighter jet LEGO with Ryan when I received THE PHONE CALL. I usually keep my handphone nearby but for some reason last Sunday it was left inside my handbag, I guess I was too preoccupied playing with the Lego I didn’t even hear the constant ringing. When I finally retrieved my phone I saw three missed calls from Iylia. It was weird but I didn’t think much about it as Iena is known for using her husband phone to call me. I didn’t know why but my first thought was “hmmm they must be nearby and nak datang beraya”

I can’t be further from the truth….

I called Iylia back and the first thing I heard after saying Hello was “Farrr, Iena dah takde Far”. I was shocked and my mind went blank for a while, a million thought went through my head, the first being, “but we were all just chatting with each other via Whatsapp yesterday”. I can’t remember my full conversation with Iylia but I remembered promising him that I will relay the dreadful news to the rest of my girlfriends.

The first challenge of the day was making the phone calls, it would have been easier and faster to do it via our chat group but it wouldn’t be right. Do you know how difficult it was to keep myself composed and to keep on repeating “Girls, Iena is no longer with us” and sharing with them the little information that I had when all I wanted to do was go to my room, bury my head in the pillow and cry…

The rest of the day went in a blur, we initially thought that the funeral would be done the next morning since it was already 4pm and no official arrangement has been made. I was discussing with the girls and initially thought we would wait for further news but for some reason I feel tak sedap hati and the waiting was driving me nuts so I called Iylia back to ask for his permission to join him in Hospital Putrajaya.

Alhamdullilah it was the best decision I made that day. Turned out that Iena’s family managed to make the burial plans on the same night and being at there at the  hospital meant that we got to see, kiss and send my darling friend off to her final resting place for the last time…

Iena was my first friend in UiTM. To me our meeting was one of Allah best plans because through our first conversation we found out that we shared a common “interest”, knowing me and my reservations for strangers and small talks, I wouldn’t have opened up to her the way I did, if it was not for that small detail. We spent the whole night gabbing away nonsense and we became really good friends after when we were grouped into the same class for matriculation. 

Our friendship have its ups and down, especially because of differing personality. Iena is a drama queen, whereas I am more of a drama but hati batu queen (haha) but Alhamdullilah we managed to avoid major conflicts throughout our 13-14 years of friendship and accepted each other quirks and loved each other for it, I realized I am one of the few people that is allowed to really state my views to her plainly (sometimes rather harshly)  and without fear of her retaliation and she’s the only person that gets away with raiding my makeup bag and headband collection declaring my things as hers without batting an eyelash.

We went through a lot together and supported each other through different phases of our life. We both transitioned from being simple teens to being a wife and into motherhood around the same time. It breaks my heart that baby Asif who is only 16 months old would need to grow up not knowing her awesome mother. I know Iena considers Asif as one of her greatest achievements, her pride and joy and she is so proud of his every move and action. She loved him with all her heart and sadly now the duty to raise him would fall single handedly on Iylia.

I pray that Iylia would find the strength to raise Asif alone and go through his life without Iena in it. They were one of my favorite couples, so in love and dedicated to each other, they had made lots of plans together, but alas Allah is the best planner and as a muslim I know I have to redha. 

I remembered my conversation with Iena late last year when she told me that sometimes she feels isolated because she’s not able to join us often during our group gatherings. She was on a pity party mode that day and told me that she don’t think we will even miss her if she’s not around. I recalled being annoyed with her and told her to stop being silly and to just give us a call if she misses us so much in my usual sarky manner. I do not know if it was because of that or is it because of some other reason but Iena has been extra active in organizing dinners and lunches of late. 

I thank Allah for all the extra time that I get to spend with her this year. Hopefully she’ll be able to look down from the beautiful place she is in at the moment and see the huge gap that she left us and look at all these people who is currently missing her so very very much. I wish so hard that I can tell her “I TOLD YOU SO!!!” but I know it is impossible for now.

I will miss you, Ienanononi and to tell you the truth I am quite messed up at the moment knowing that you’re no longer around. If you’re here you’ll probably crack some stupid and annoying joke which I will casually dismiss and which will annoy you in return. I know both of us selalu ego tak nak mengaku our feelings towards each other but deep down we know...

Despite my lack of comments, posting, updates on social media about losing you as compared to some of our other girlfriends, do know that I love you very very much and you mean the world to me. InshaAllah we will meet each other again one day, in the meantime, I will do my best to keep an eye on Iylia and Asif for you and be there for them if they need and want me to be. You just rest well my dear friend…

 In loving memory of Wan Fazrina binti Wan Jaffar 

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