A friend (single not available) was asking my advice on relationship. Without the need of getting into the details of our conversation, I told her in not so many words to stop taking crap and leave if her pleas fall on deaf ears. Her response to me was “It is easier for you married people, you don’t have to deal with all these nonsense”. Since I was not in a mood for another long conversation I just kept quiet.
Later I went on FB to randomly stalk people as I do when I’m bored, and I’m very sad to report that 3 couples that I know (back in school and uni) is currently divorce or undergoing separation this month. This is not counting the rest of my mates who is either cheating/ cheated on/ having to “bermadu” or is involved in “office affairs” etc
When you are in any romantic relationship you can’t help but be somehow emotionally, mentally and in some cases even physically/financially affected. But in my opinion when you are married the affect is on a higher level. In the eyes of god, government, and people these two people are spiritually and legally bond. In simpler terms, you have much more to lose if you have to walk away from your marriage.
If that is the case, why is it when people get married and are past their honeymoon period we tend to treat our spouses with a sense of indifference? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about lack of love or respect (though this may be the case for some people) I’m talking about the lesser effort in which we take to make our spouses happy.
Remember when you just started dating? there’s flowers, romantic dinners to celebrate monthly anniversary ( Disclaimer: I don’t do this coz it does not make sense haha), spending hours grooming and even planning your wardrobe choices one week in advance before an important date, spending hours on the phone and actually REMEMBER what your partner have to say etc. Everything is all roses and butterflies. Yes there are fights but even making up was fun, the apologies are done in the most extravagant way, promises of undying love and affection *blahblah*
I’m just wondering if all those efforts can be done where technically you have NOTHING to lose, why is it when you have EVERYTHING to lose, you do not treat your spousse with same amount of attention and rightfully, why not more?
But then again treating your partner right is not just about the superficial stuff (buying gifts/looking good etc) the test is going through the difficult times and knowing that someone always have your back. Marriage is difficult as it is and nowadays it is made even worst with things like work, financial, 3rd person interference and whatever else stress. It needs A LOT of work and patience and for some reason most people nowadays have very little of these traits. That is why most relationship crumbles. Due to “kemalasan” and you take it for granted that the person have to put up with your shit because you are married to each other.
But is that really a state of relationship we want to live in? Why are we so critical and impatient towards the people that we love? Don’t they deserve our respect? Is it so hard to be nice to our husband and wife? I’m talking about simple gestures as making the bed as how our OCD wife may like it or cooking our husband their favorite dish even though we hate cooking. It is a bit of a sacrifice but bukannya suruh “jalan lautan api and daki gunung Everest to fulfill your love one desires” <- ayat bercinta dulukan.
That is why I always remind my younger/unmarried friends, don’t go for the OVERLY romantic Romeo jiwang karat etc because those act are very hard to maintain for the REST OF YOUR FREAKING LIFE. The problem with high expectations when it is UP THERE, you’ll find it hard to stay on the grounds = REALITY. A bouquet of roses once a week when you have no obligations is fine and dandy but a bouquet of roses once a week when you have bills to pay and mouth(s) to feed??? Unless you’re a millionaire….. (you get the drift)
But don’t settle either, find a man/woman who is perfect for you (who may not be perfect) don’t get in any relationship with the intention of changing the other person, you should know what you’re getting yourself into. For example if your boyfriend loves stupid Senario jokes don’t expect him to be spouting Shakespeare sonnets any time soon (or ever) and if your wife hates sports don’t expect her to be sitting next to you cheering on football, tennis or sailing (pointless). Your differences should complement each other and COMPROMISE!
End of the year resolution?
Let’s make some time for our spouses. Appoint a date night (day) where it is just the both of you minus the lil ones. Cutila if you have too, beg your sister/parents pay a babysitter to take care of the kiddies.You don’t need expensive trips, pergi Mid Valley tengok movie pun ok, have a meal together and talk about your relationship and remind the person why you fall in love with each other in the first place and as much as you love your children don't spend your date night talking about them :p Be selfish to protect your relationship which in the long run will make you better parents... Again NO NEED big romantic gestures, just have a simple and happy day together :) want to try?
As a reminder let’s leave you with a para from BoysIIMen - Water Runs Dry
We don't even talk anymore
And we don't even know what we argue about
Don't even say, "I love you", no more
'Cause saying, "How we feel?" is no longer allowed
Some people will work things out
And some just don't know how to change
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's don't wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives, Don't do it, baby
P/S: this post is merely an act of self reflection not made in reference to anyone or my own relationship even (at least not the WHOLE post haha)