First Family Outing....

Ryan had his 1 month immunization yesterday. So Lan, Ryan and myself went to SJMC, Subang for his shots. Alhamdullilah the check up went well and Ryan barely cried so everything was A-ok :p

Since Ryan was sleeping and seem to be in a good mood, we decided to drop by Subang Parade to get some stuff, serious I was OVERLY EXCITED after 1 month not being in a mall :p First stop was Mothercare, where I spend serious money on some new clothes for Ryan and some new PJ's and nursing bra for myself. Hehehe dapat the VIP card so ok-lah, after this can accumulate points and received additional discounts on baby stuff...

Pastu we went to MPH to buy Ryan some new books, I managed to get him 2, "Fairy Tales for Little Boys" and a Nursery Rhyme book. At this point Ryan woke up looked out from his stroller and started screaming, nasib baik ada EBM so I had to feed him while walking. He was a bit restless so I had to go the "Mothers Room" to check his diapers. He started wailing and wailing, the room was nice and comfy but a bit cold so I guess he didn't like it. Thankfully he stop crying and wanted to sit in his stroller.

We managed to get all of Ryan's stuff but I didn't get the chance to get my stuff and pants for Lan. I don't want to test my luck even though Ryan was happily playing in his stroller, we did stop by McDonald's. Dapatlah makan prosperity burger. Kononnya "confinement friendly" food sebab daging and lada hitam.. hahahah Thank god no bad reaction to it :p Went straight home after that, and everyone was fussing over Ryan. Alhamdullilah Ryan tak demam

Anyway the doctor wants Ryan to gain more weight as the current weight gain is "just enough" (he gained 1 kg) so I need to review Ryan's feeding pattern... Other than that both of us are good... boleh bawak Ryan jalan2 lagi, such a good and well behaved boy...

Kinda busy at the moment planning Ryan's Aqiqah... need to get the stuff for door gift and all... bestnye :)

Happy Bday Ryan :)

I can't believe you're already one month old. Seem just like yesterday when I found out I was preggers with you. Daddy and I was so excited. Feeling you move inside me,the feeling was sureal. From the start you have always been the source of my comfort, when everyone else fail to say the right thing, you always manage to cheer me up. We make a great team, don't we? You're a great study partner, research assistant, power point inspiration, lawak king etc

The day you were born, I start believing in love at first sight. You looked so perfect (a bit icky and gooey though :p) you were LOUD too... hehehe... when the nurses put you in my arms, I seriously feel that our little family is complete.. Just you, daddy and myself.

You taught me so much in this one month. Lesson many have tried to pass on to me but failed :p and you managed to get it through my thick skull in 30 days. The wonder of Ryan :) You thought me :-

1. Bumpy road does not mean lack of PERFECTION...

Ya Allah, only god knows how trying the first 2 weeks was on my sanity. I wanted everything to be so perfect for you and when it didn't happen the way I plan I was so pissed with myself. I am usually able to learn things easily, so when I failed to do some thing perfectly the first time, I began doubting myself. "Will I be a good mother to you"etc. But you were so patient with me :) despite the silly mistakes I made, various boos boos and the breakdown, you don't hold grudges and still manage to love me unconditionally. We manage to teach each other so much, kan?

2. Patience

Heheheh this is my one true weakness :) However nowadays I managed to tone it down several notches. When you cry for no reason and want to cuddle for hours or when you're in one of your feeding frenzy and latches on for 2 hours straight until my nipple are all sore and throbbing, I tell myself you are not doing thing because you hate me and wanted to make my life miserable but you're doing it because you need me as much as I need you and I have to just be patient and take it all in a stride.

3. Unconditional Love

I seriously would do anything for you and I don't think I'm the only one. You managed to capture the hearts of the people around you. Atuk and Nenek ADORE you so much that I'm starting to feel a wee bit jealous (haha) even your mak long who is usually so ego with her feelings will coo and dukung you for hours. Such a charming little boy :p

4. 1001 million other important lessons

I'm less selfish, more aware of "budget" needs and importance. I haven't bought anything for myself lately. The last purchase was made 3 days before you were born, after that everything was for Ryan Ryan Ryan...

At any other time, my bonus would be spend on unnecessary items by this time of the year but no more nonsensical purchases for the time being (haha I wonder how long this will last) Daddy and I are planning to open up a saving account for you right after I finish my pantang, All the $$$ that is given to you will go straight in the account and daddy and mummy will top it up every month ok.

Milestones...

Every mother thinks of her child as the most perfect, adorable and intelligent being and I'm no exception. I'm so proud of every little movement, cries and smiles. Sickening but true :) And I hope I'm able to be there for all your "first". You managed to laugh at something I said or did this morning, a bit too adorable.

It's also so funny that you have little patience for "budak kecik" books and you seem more interested when I read you "orang besar" stories at bed time. We managed to complete Rowling "Tale of Beadle the Bard" and am currently reading "Little Women". I'll get you more books soon ok :p I think the likes of Shakespeare or even the Twilight series is not age appropriate at the moment :p We'll get your Kisah Dari Al Quran series from out Shah Alam house soon ok...Can't wait for other sweet memories like that...

Love you so much Muhammad Ryan Daniel :) Muacks

p/s: For pics and other Ryan related info check out Ryan's blog. Link is on the side panel :p

I'm No Supermummy...

I want to do a lot of things at the moment... I want a goodnight sleep... I want to eat normal yummy food... I want to go out and drive around for no reason...I want to dress up and look nice... I want some alone time with hubby....I want to give Ryan all the benefit of breastfeeding without having to breastfeed (haha is that even possible?). I want him to be healthy and happy but not at the expense of me feeling crappy... I'm finding for balance...

I don't want to have to wake up every 2 hours for a 2-3 hours long feeding session... I don't want sore nipples and aching breast... I don't want to feel helpless and angry at myself for not being able to guess what Ryan needs and wants... The stitches still hurt and sometimes it sucks to have to get out of bed...

Am currently alone with Ryan... today is daddy's turn to help Ryan and I..but he needs to run some errands so Ryan and I would need to work it out for a few hours... my family have been taking turns taking leave to take care of me and budak kecik... for that I'm grateful but I still have to do loads of things myself...Am not complaining just venting...

Saya penat, lack of sleep and agak moody... but he's worth it... sangat-sangat... love you Ryan...

Online Shopping: Ways to beat confinement boredom and baby blues

Warden Jr is sleeping... so I'm doing some online shopping quickie :p Hahahah happiness coz Warden Sr is also not around breathing behind my back making muka garang....This is worst than impulse window shopping....

There is this totally adorable Marc Jacob Classic Q Hobo on sale *sigh* and I'm also torn between a bunch of CK handbags... or should I splurge on the Gucci??? ahhhh decision..decision... duit bonus banyak lagi... haven't spend it on anything yet except for a bunch of stuff for Ryan... asyik2 Ryan je mummy deserve a treat also hahaha....

So what's on my must buy list?
1. A new designer handbag :p
2. Some new shoes... 3-4 inch heels... 4 months tak beli kasut *woo* having withdrawal symptoms.. and I heard shoe size will expand after deliver? betul ke? what a great news..hehe
3. Nursing friendly tops for jalan-jalan
4. Scarfs?
5. Office clothes... balas dendam 6 months pakai crappy fattening looking clothes...

Browsing time...so many online shops, so little time...

I just ordered the cutest customize Snugg RingSling for Ryan.... comelness :) I received their Diaper clutch last week and I totally LOVE it ( I bought 2) will post a picture of it when I have the time :p Need the sling despite buying the carrier sebab Ryan suka digendong... sakit tangan coz he's so heavy now... manjalah budak kecik nie :p

Gotto go and move around... had a minor procedure just now... some problems with the stiching which made me totally unable to sit down... torture malam2 nak bangun feed baby, I can barely lift him due to the pressure on my a** ~sigh~ should be okey now...insyallah....

Susahlah jadi mummy ni.... hehehe

The One on Muhammad Ryan Daniel

2 weeks later....

I finally found the time to blog (I hope) Ryan is taking his afternoon nap, so I have about 1-2 hours max before he wakes up again and demands for :-

(a) milk
(b)diaper change
(c) lots and lots of cuddles and attention

I can't believe that I'm a mummy... The whole thing is so surreal, the minute Ryan arrive in this world EVERYTHING changes... some good... some bad... all I can say is labour seems comparatively easy as compared to these 2 weeks of motherhood...

Labour Story...

As the readers of this blog knows, I've started having contraction pains since 17/12/2009 (Thursday) The pain was bearable, come Friday morning, it became more pronounce and frequent by the minute... Painful :p

I was walking around the house, trying to take my mind of things and at the same time trying to convince Lan to bring me out shopping (failed attempt). I managed to get him to accompany me for a walk around the housing area... I managed two rounds before the pains became worst... I still have the piece of paper where Lan and I documented each contraction time.. 4 mins, 5 mins, 6 mins etc...

Anyway contractions was more frequent by 3am Saturday, so we woke my parents up and announced that I wanted to go the hospital... At one point I actually made Lan stop the car because the pain was so bad it actually made me puke (so drama). The worst part is closer to the hospital, the pain somehow eases. I was thinking in my head "Crap, don't tell me its false alarm.. buat malu je pergi and they make you drive back" but I just kept quiet..

We arrive at SDMC Subang around 4am-ish. I managed to walk up and refused the wheelchair, we went into the labour room and spoke to the nurse. To tell you the truth, I don't think the nurse was convinced that I'm in labour, and maybe she was just humouring me, because I was walking with this "sardine face" on me... She was kinda shocked when she found out that I was already 3cm dilated...She admitted me in, and since we already did all the pre-registration stuff there is not much things to do...

At around 6am I was already 4cm dilated and managed another 1 cm by 9am... The dilation was pretty quick but my contractions was not "strong". By 11am I was getting no where, contractions was further apart, was just waiting around for the doctor and this stupid movie by Jessica Simpson was on... my good mood was disappearing FAST... Doctor Delaila finally came in around 1pm and broke my water bag (PAINFUL PROCESS :p) and the waiting game continue...

I was never good at waiting and by 6pm I feel like kicking everyone in sight (haha) My parents came but they can't come in. They got us some stuff and my dad bought Lan Nasi Ayam, I was so pissed at him for no reason, I told him not to leave me and was so merajuk when he ended up eating in front of me... sumpah at that time rasa macam nak suruh dia starve je with me....

9pm : 7cm dilated. 2 doors away this woman was in labour, I was already in pain and the effect of the injection was wearing off ( No epidural for me as I don't want to aggravate my back pain) trying to manage the pain with breathing exercise and gas. Tetiba this crazy woman started screaming.... I'm not talking "arrgghh" kinda scream, it's the kinda scream that was so hysterical it made me panic.... she was going on and on "get it out of me... get it out of me" Rasa macam on the set of some Exorcist movie pulak..... dah lah it went on for about 1 1/2 hour...

Lan must have seen the panic in my face setting in, because he offered to get me my Walkman but I refused... at that time god only knows how scared I felt, by 11pm they had to induce me eventhough I was already 8cm dilated... I guess because dah nak dekat 10 hours since the doctor broke my water bag.... they kinda crank up the "juice" coz they are trying to get me to dilate FAST... so the pain was double the normal inducement process...

Ya allah at that time, I was seriously grabbing on my sanity, kesian hubby :p I was in so much pain dah 9cm dilate I actually ask for the nurse to just have a C-section on me... hahahahah lawak gilakan... Lan muka geram tapi tak berani nak marah, so both him and the nurse was just pujuking that 1cm je tinggal... and for me to just sabar....

12.30 am 20/12/2oo9 - Finally 10cm dilated, started pushing, was using all my energy. 21 hours of no food and exhausted.... Alhamdullilah after 30minutes of pushing managed to deliver Muhammad Ryan Daniel safely....I was not home free yet, after delivering the placenta, doctor informed me that I had to be stitched.. 10 stitches altogether *ouch*

However, the pain and exhaustion vanished once they put Ryan in my arms, I managed to feed him right after delivery and that is the starting point of my love-hate relationship with breast feeding baby Ryan (more story on this some other time ;p)

2 weeks later... here I am typing this with one ear alert waiting for Ryan to cry or move *sigh*

This could have gone without saying but......

We are usually very fast in criticizing people and pointing out on flaws so let me give credit where credit is due...

To hubby... for the past 2 weeks you have been a total prince.. thanks for taking care of me since the start of the pregnancy, in the labour room and the week when you were home... I know some part of the process is disgusting and yucky but you stick through... helping me cope when I'm out of wits while dealing with Ryan, supporting, motivating and loving me despite my tantrums and hysterical crying....sumpah I'm so lucky that I have you as my hubby and Ryan is blessed with such a loving and hands-on daddy....

I usually try to stay clear of lovey dovey post but if you knew the extend Lan when through helping me you will understand why I'm so gushy... even my parents are impressed with their son-in-law.... hahahhaha

My boss is up and awake... I better go see what he wants...Till next update.. muackz..