Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Grieving My Loss...

Salam & Hello Everyone,

How was your Raya Break? Hope everyone had a great time with family/friends/loved ones

The start of my Raya break was pretty good. We managed to host an iftar dinner at my house 2 days before Raya, I went shopping with my parents, and celebrated 1st Syawal with my family and in laws. This Raya is more meaningful bacause Ryan is older and able to appreciate the celebration more. I can’t help but smile watching his antics, running around in his full set of baju melayu, sampin and songkok, playing “pop-pop” with my cousins, ordering people around to do his bidding and collecting duit raya.

However, our Raya mood this year was dampen when I was woken up by a phone call from my daddy at 3am on Friday of 4th Syawal informing me that my Nek Jah have passed away. I was in Perak at that time and all I wanted to do was to rushed back to Malacca at once.

During the drive back to Malacca, I kept on telling myself that maybe it was all just a mistake. I just had breakfast with my nenek 2 days before and she was fine. I know she wasn’t feeling well after her heart attack early this Ramadhan but she told me she’s recuperating well.

I remembered telling her to take good care of herself because she has two more cicit incoming this November. She just smiled. Come to think of it, that was a bit weird because she’s usually very excited when the subject of Ryan or the twins came up. She’s also uncharacteristically quiet, preferring to observe the kids playing, smiling at Ryan’s naughty antics and listening to the chatter around her.

I felt a bit terkilan because I didn’t really manage to spend more time with nenek. I wanted to linger around for a bit but we ended up leaving Merlimau in a bit of a rush because Lan wanted to catch his parents who was in Malacca before going back to Klang. My last conversation with nenek was when she complimented my tudung style before I went home; I wished I spend those last precious moments hugging and kissing her instead of wasting my time primping in front of the mirror.

I took it for granted that she’ll always be there for me whenever I needed her. After all she’s been a steady presence in my life for the past 28 years.

I remembered when she ran after me when I decided to "run away" because I merajuk when she reprimanded me for being naughty.

I remembered how she used to nag me when I decided to “main pasir” outside the house, but still accompanied me outside pretending that she’s doing housework padahal she just wanted to make sure I’m safe.

I remembered how she took the bus to Klang 2 days earlier rather than wait for my aunt to finished work so that she can be with me early to help prepare for my wedding.

I remembered how she took my side when I was complaining about my mum’s strict confinement practices and ended up cooking my lunch the day she visisted Ryan and I.

There are a lot of things I remembered and it breaks my heart to think that she’s no longer with us to create more happy memories together. No more listening to her tease me about my “baju artist”, no more eating her delicious cooking, no more listening to her complaint while I snap candid pictures of her without her “bedak”, and to think that the twins won’t be able to meet their Nyang just short of 3 months before their delivery date is just so sad :( I can’t even bring myself to upload Raya pictures because I still can’t accept that those are my last pictures with her.

Nenek, I hope you know how much I love you and that I appreciate how you’ve taken care of Mama, Ayah, Along and Anna as if we’re your own flesh and blood. Thank you for accepting Lan and Abang Nan as your “cucu menantu” and for always spoiling Ryan with hugs and kisses. We will miss you very much.

Ya Allah, kau tempatkan lah arwah nenek ku di kalangan orang yang beriman dan kau ampunkan lah dosa-dosanya. *insyallah*al-fatihah*


Sha said...

Takziah Far

~f@R~ said...

Thanks dear *insyallah*

Bads said...

Oh, so sorry to hear about this..

Al Fatihah

~f@R~ said...

Thanks darls