Grieving My Loss...

Salam & Hello Everyone,

How was your Raya Break? Hope everyone had a great time with family/friends/loved ones

The start of my Raya break was pretty good. We managed to host an iftar dinner at my house 2 days before Raya, I went shopping with my parents, and celebrated 1st Syawal with my family and in laws. This Raya is more meaningful bacause Ryan is older and able to appreciate the celebration more. I can’t help but smile watching his antics, running around in his full set of baju melayu, sampin and songkok, playing “pop-pop” with my cousins, ordering people around to do his bidding and collecting duit raya.

However, our Raya mood this year was dampen when I was woken up by a phone call from my daddy at 3am on Friday of 4th Syawal informing me that my Nek Jah have passed away. I was in Perak at that time and all I wanted to do was to rushed back to Malacca at once.

During the drive back to Malacca, I kept on telling myself that maybe it was all just a mistake. I just had breakfast with my nenek 2 days before and she was fine. I know she wasn’t feeling well after her heart attack early this Ramadhan but she told me she’s recuperating well.

I remembered telling her to take good care of herself because she has two more cicit incoming this November. She just smiled. Come to think of it, that was a bit weird because she’s usually very excited when the subject of Ryan or the twins came up. She’s also uncharacteristically quiet, preferring to observe the kids playing, smiling at Ryan’s naughty antics and listening to the chatter around her.

I felt a bit terkilan because I didn’t really manage to spend more time with nenek. I wanted to linger around for a bit but we ended up leaving Merlimau in a bit of a rush because Lan wanted to catch his parents who was in Malacca before going back to Klang. My last conversation with nenek was when she complimented my tudung style before I went home; I wished I spend those last precious moments hugging and kissing her instead of wasting my time primping in front of the mirror.

I took it for granted that she’ll always be there for me whenever I needed her. After all she’s been a steady presence in my life for the past 28 years.

I remembered when she ran after me when I decided to "run away" because I merajuk when she reprimanded me for being naughty.

I remembered how she used to nag me when I decided to “main pasir” outside the house, but still accompanied me outside pretending that she’s doing housework padahal she just wanted to make sure I’m safe.

I remembered how she took the bus to Klang 2 days earlier rather than wait for my aunt to finished work so that she can be with me early to help prepare for my wedding.

I remembered how she took my side when I was complaining about my mum’s strict confinement practices and ended up cooking my lunch the day she visisted Ryan and I.

There are a lot of things I remembered and it breaks my heart to think that she’s no longer with us to create more happy memories together. No more listening to her tease me about my “baju artist”, no more eating her delicious cooking, no more listening to her complaint while I snap candid pictures of her without her “bedak”, and to think that the twins won’t be able to meet their Nyang just short of 3 months before their delivery date is just so sad :( I can’t even bring myself to upload Raya pictures because I still can’t accept that those are my last pictures with her.

Nenek, I hope you know how much I love you and that I appreciate how you’ve taken care of Mama, Ayah, Along and Anna as if we’re your own flesh and blood. Thank you for accepting Lan and Abang Nan as your “cucu menantu” and for always spoiling Ryan with hugs and kisses. We will miss you very much.

Ya Allah, kau tempatkan lah arwah nenek ku di kalangan orang yang beriman dan kau ampunkan lah dosa-dosanya. *insyallah*al-fatihah*

Salam Aidilfitri

I guess this will be my last post before Raya holidays starts:) I'm in no mood whatsoever to do anything, I'm in my Raya mood all the way... My mind is already at home thinking about setting up pelita raya (hehe) and packing.

Urgghh packing for a toddler is a headache. I have to make sure Ryan's essentials is all packed. His medications, bantal busuk, clothes, fan ( yes anak saya lorat x tahan panas) etc. The car memang penuh dengan barang Ryan je ok... I can't imagine how full my car will be next year (hehehe)

Anyway, we'll be spending 1st Raya morning with my family, afternoon with my in-laws and then we're going back to Melacca in the evening. On 3rd day of Raya we'll be going back to Lan's kampung in Tanjung Malim (insyaallah).

So I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya and seek forgiveness for all my "salah and silap". I hope everyone will have a good holiday, for those who are driving please be careful. Take care everyone :) *hugzhugz*

The Twin Reaction

What is it about pregnant woman that brings out the doctor’s and weird questions in people?

I’ve had my share of annoying/insensitive/useless comments and “advices” from people when I was pregnant with Ryan. My reaction is usually to just smile, ignore, go home and bitch to Lan about it. The level of “penyibukness” and “stupidity” is beyond comprehension especially once they find out that I’m expecting twins. Double the baby, double the annoying comments.

Example of some of the questions/comments that I’ve received and my answers (or what I wish I could have answered) when they found out I’m pregnant with twins, some are harmless and funny but some are downright offensive :-

• Do twins run in the family?
Nope

• Is it identical or fraternal?
Fraternal

• What do you mean when you say they are fraternal twins?
It means at the time of conception they are created from 2 different eggs and sperms and they resides in two different sacs (sumpah science class :))

• Would that mean they will have the same gender?
Not necessarily, statistically it means we could be expecting a pair (boy +girl), 2 girls or 2 boys.

• Are you going for natural or c-section?
I prefer natural birth but we’ll cross that bridge when the time comes

• (Mesti ada yg tak puas hati when I answered that way so next question will be...) What? I think you should INSISIT on natural birth, I’ve seen this done on YouTube somewhere in USA and it is not that hard blah blah blah
You idiot I didn’t say I WANT to go for a c-section but if the babies are not in an ideal position takkan nak paksa keluar gak kan? I’m open to every possibility.

• Why is your stomach so small? Are you are SURE there’s twins in there?
Yes (what I wanted to say is “nope, I’m making this is up as I go along because I’m bloody LOA. Yes I’m sure *double roll eyes* )

• How did you do it?
Duh!! (Do you want me to SHOW you?)

• Did you plan on having twins?
Nope (hahaha this is kinda stupid, how do you PLAN twin pregnancy ? Not like I’m Octomum and can request for the doctors to plant extra embryos in my body)

• Did you take any pills/hormones etc so that you can have twins?
Nope (How is it any of your businees??? Sumpah I find this question incredibly insensitive as this kind of things is terribly personal. Busybody to the core)

• You must have s*x more than once right?
Me: *put on straight face* Yes a gazillion time, don’t you??

• If they are off the same gender mesti you wanna buy the same clothes for them kan?
Maybe but not ALL the time. After all they are twins not CLONES

• If they are both girls, mesti you won’t pay much attention to Ryan anymore kan? OR people saying this in front of Ryan “bila adik ada mesti orang tak sayang Ryan dah kan”
OMG this really get my blood boiling. First of all, don’t bloody put ideas in my baby’s head, just because he’s young that does not mean he don’t understand things said to him and Secondly, Ryan is not some old shoes that I will cast off just because I have a new pair. He is my FIRST BORN, of course I will try to give all of my children the attention that they need regardless their age/gender. That’s what parents do – they love ALL of their babies unconditionally.

• My personal favorite, coming from someone who is older who thinks she can say whatever she wants because she’s somehow related to a relative (technically she has no direct family connection to me )
“Ni agaknya bila dah masuk 7-8 bulan mesti dah terlantar kat hospital sebab perut mesti takleh tampung kembar blah blah blah” Because my mum thought me better I just smiled and said “Insyallah ok, Farhanna doakan yang terbaik” but this woman yang tak nak kalah can say “entahla makcik tengok kamu ni and badan kamu ni mcm tak leh tahan je, mesti nanti terlampau memboyot etc”

I swear to god I wanted to SLAP her face, but I turned and pura2 fussed with Ryan instead. Doesn’t she know, words are like “doa” so it would have been better for her to say positive things instead of negative stuff but I know words would be wasted on people like her? So the main key is to ignore.

Oh well, I can’t change people but I can control my reaction to them, right? I better be prepared with more “interesting remarks” especially with Hari Raya approaching. Good lesson on patience for the little munchkins :p

P/S: Anyway my family and close friends have been incredibly supportive and excited about the new additions :) Loving their reaction, tak over but not dismissive, just the way I like it :) hehehe

Photo Updates : Iftar Weekend

Date: 20 August 2011
Crabby Potluck Party @ Tinie's and Cat's Lovenest

The usual suspects :)

With my baby boy :)

What I made : Smiley Face Cheese Tartlet haha (muka Najwa gila kan :p )

Muka Kenyang: Part I

Muka Kenyang II : Ketam kismis style

Father and Son

Credits: pic for Crabby's are from Reebok's camera

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Date: 21 August 2011
Al Rawsha, I-City, Shah Alam with Lan's Clan. No photo of food and other people coz mummy too busy feeding her lil baby dino.

Happily posing before his big meltdown

I bought him this weird fan/light noisemaker thingy and a buble maker which he adores :)

Finally, after so long I can now say I've been to I-City. Never bothered before due to traffic jam and exorbidant parking rates :p


Ryan, Mummy and the seahorses :)

Why Mario got 3 :p

With the bangau

Bare Minimum Preparations??

We’re halfway through Ramadan. Hopefully our ibadah is as glorious and “meriah” as our Hari Raya preparations.

Speaking of Raya preparations, I’m pretty much set for Syawal. Since I'm simply allergic to crowds, I decided to save myself from the hassles and did my shopping early. I decided that all of us will go for readymade baju’s to avoid last minute headaches with the tailor. Got Lan, Daddy, FIL and Ryan’s Baju Melayu from Parkson and JJ (sorryla tak kuasa nak go through jam in PKNS,SACC etc).

I also managed to borong loads of Ryan’s casual clothing during the Mothercare & GAP sales. I find that it was more of a bargain as compared to the Raya sales as we got an additional 10% member discounts on top of the normal 50%-70%. In addition to the t-shirts that my sis and Cath got for Ryan from Paris and Japan my little boy is all set up to next year in term of clothes.

I haven’t bought anything for myself. I still have 4 new jubah from Mecca that have not been worn yet, a caftan from Chanteq that I bought on a whim a few months back and a maternity batik kurung that I only worn once. I guess I’ll choose something to wear from my cupboard instead. Saving my $$$ for my trip to Jakarta mid of next month. Though I do think that I deserve a new shoe for being so frugal (Azlan take note- I can imagine my husband feigning deafness/blindness)

My Raya preparations for the house this year is also pretty minimal. I guess since we've just moved in earlier this year, everything still looks brand new so I don't really need to go all out on Raya decorating. My ID motto is the simpler the better :) Anyway with a toddler around and 2 more babies underway I figured that it is better to keep the dust collecting/ fragile/breakable items out of the way: p

Raya would not be much without kuih raya,right? I ordered a grand total of 2 balang kuih raya, one which would be given to my mummy. Malas nak membazir sebab not like people would eat the kuih pun so I rather stick to kerepek. Siapa datang rumah I’ll cook for you instead, ok :p

My final shopping list? Cookie container, a new teapot (since SOMEONE broke my fave teapot lid *sobsob*), Fairy lights or pelita?? (Can’t decide between these two, what do you think?), songkok Ryan, Baju raya for mummy and slippers for MIL. Hopefully by the end of this month, this list will continue to be as short .

Ramadhan and My Twin Pregnancy

It's a bit depressing to spend Friday lunch in the office, but in order to leave early (i.e. 4.00pm) I need to forgo my usual 2 hours lunch break.

Anyway today is the 12 day of Ramadan. The fasting months have been good so far :) I've been fasting on alternate days on doctors advice. Actually she would have preferred if I do not fast at all this year but after discussing with Lan and doing some research on fasting while pregnant with twins I decided to go ahead.

Alhamdullilah, I don't have much problem fasting. I don't get super hungry/thirsty but at the end of the day I do feel a bit more exhausted (which is easily remedied by going to bed extra early i.e by 10pm every night- yes 1opm is very early for me ok..hehehe )

However, unlike fasting when I was preggers with Ryan, this time around I really have to watch what I eat during sahur.I would need to drink at least 500ml of plain water (trust me it is not easy to gulp that amount of water at 5am), eat at least 4-5 pieces of kurma (my savior), have at least 1/2 a bowl of cereal/pasta/nasi, a bottle of vitagen and take all of my supplement.

It sounds a bit tiresome but I guess when you are carrying twins the effect of fasting has a different effect on your body. I ate 2 pieces of bread and drank a cup of tea for sahur last week and end up having to break fast at 10am because my body was shaking due to low sugar level. Thank god I always keep a stash of choc and biscuits in my office drawer/car :p

I've been monitoring my weight daily. My main aim is to maintain my current weight and ensure there's no more weight loss. Babies are kicking actively so I take it my little munchkins are fine kicking each other in my tummy hehe. My main concern is of course the babies growth, I need to ensure that the babies are growing at a steady pace and at the same rate. Since I can't measure their growth with my own eyes, I'm basing my assessment based on my weight, growing tummy size and fetal activities.

It seems like a lot of work, but my motto is to prepare for the worst but pray for the best. Being pregnant with twins means the pregnancy risk would automatically double. I'm more succestible to gestational diabetes, pregnancy high blood pressure, early labour, pre-term pregnancy, c-section etc. I don't want to live in denial and assume that my pregnancy will be all rainbows and candies but at the same time I choose not to be pessimistic and focus on "risks" and end up not enjoying my pregnancy. Balance is the key :)

Currently,I'm reading all sorts of literature on twins pregnancy. Sometimes the more I read the more I feel like panicking (haha) but based on my experience with Ryan, having some basic knowledge on what to expect do help on some level. At least you won't end up all panicky when your are face with the unwanted situation.

Oh well, I'm already thinking about the mac n cheese bites and mini cheese cake I'll be preparing for buka puasa today and tomorrow (buruk perangai puasa tapi non-stop fikir pasal food kan) hahaha

Have a good weekend everyone :) Take care *muackz*

Wordless Wednesday #12

Seven @ The Bees

Venue:
The Bee's, Jaya One, PJ

Date:
30 July 2011 (Saturday)

Occasion:
Lepak Session with da gals(and hubbies)before the start of Ramadan

Food & Restaurant review:
I love the Rootbeer float :p, My French Burger is not bad -7/10, Lan's Cheeseburger scores about the same. The Churros is not bad either. I guess their specialty is the burgers as the pasta review was just "so-so". It's a pretty cool place to hangout, it has a nice ambiance but I wouldn't say it is a very child friendly place (Thank god we left Ryan at home). The music was really loud (I would say "blaring" at one point)that you have to kinda raise your voice in order to have a normal conversation. But all in all not bad :)

Left to Right: Miss Ferragamo -Farisa, Bowly Champion Udadidado, Tinie (hehe can't believe our EDD dekat2 *insyallah*), Reebok (glowy kerana sudah ada "perisik" sbb baru dirisik -j/k bodo I know :p), Smelly Blue Cheese Pipi Kembong Kacang @najwa83, ME :) and Ienanononi yg tak dapat QC my camera sbb Lan sorok hahaha.

All of us minus En Azlan, who took this very unflattering picture of me :p

A sooprise for Uda, Reebok and Myself. Thanks gals. So sweet of all of you :)


This is like the 3rd time the photographer suruh berlakon tiup candle. Sampai cengkung pipi

Anyway I had a lot of fun catching up with everyone. Need to plan one berbuka puasa session soon. Muackz-muacks :)

P/S: The reason why there's a sudden flood of updates is because I'm spending lunchtime in the office. There's a slight adjustment to our flexi scheduling during Ramadhan where the Muslims are allowed to go home earlier (in my case 445) if we forfeit our lunch hour.

April - June 2011 Photos Updates

Lan's 30th Birthday Dinner - Our Crib :)

We had a small family gathering to celebrate hubby's b-day on 17/4/2011.
Menu: We had yummy MU themed choc chips/bluberry cuppies from Nadibakes + Nasi Tomato, ayam kurma and the works (courtesy of my sis), Pizza + KFC

Random pictures from the dinner :)

Short Family Trip : Glory Beach Resort, Port Dickson

Ryan LOVES the water.
We didn't let him take a dip in the ocean this time around as sea water from this side of PD is a bit dirty.
My 3rd Convocation in UiTM : 12 May 2011

I'm now officially a Masters Degree holder
Masters in Law (Corporate Law) 2011
*alhamdullilah*

With my family, parents & in laws :)

Outing with Ryan : Sunway Pyramid Cars 2 Exhibition

Note: Finally managed to upload some backdated pics. More to come soon.
Anyway, Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan, May Allah bless our Ramadhan this time around in every way *insyallah*

Of Buah Hati Pengarang Jantung Mummy :)

My baby munchkins is 19 weeks old today. Next week they’ll turn 20 weeks old (5 months) Alhamdullilah, we’re ½ way there.

Lan and I went to see Dr. De.Laila for our monthly checkup. Lan went straight from his office to register for me. He’s there by 1.50pm but we’re still lucky No14. The wait was kerazzyyy, Thank god Lan went to register first, because I only reached SDMC at 3.00pm. Finally, at around 5pm we managed to see the doctor.

It was worth the wait :) When doc came in she asked me how I was feeling, I told her that I feel great and she laughed and said “How I wish everyone coming in here feels that way”. Anyway my blood pressure, urine test, blood test etc is good. The baby scans were fine; Baby A has already turned to the right direction (head down) while Baby B is in a horizontal position. Doc said it is too early to worry as there’s plenty of time for them to turn.

I realized something, despite being twins; the babies have different personalities even in the womb. :p Baby A who’s also older by 2 days (measurement wise) is more active and outgoing than Baby B who’s mellower. Baby B is also more “pemalu” and because of the position it is harder to determine the sex. So as I’m typing this, I still have not found out the sexes of both babies yet. Hopefully I’ll find out during the detailed scan next month *insyallah*

I’m going into my 20 weeks and I’ve only gained *drum roll* 1.5kg. Crazy especially since I’m carrying twins, but both my munchkins is around 290grams which is the average weight for their age, my doctor is happy with my weight gained much to my surprised.

Her explanation is when you’re pregnant your metabolism rate doubles and the rate is even higher when you’re carrying multiples, that is why it is harder to gain weight. As long as I gain an average of 2-3 kg once I’m into my 24 month. She also reminded me just because I’m carrying double doesn’t mean that I should gain double the weigh (hahaha) so I should aim for 15kgs min (ideal) and 20kgs max.

I’m also more energetic now that I’m into my 2nd trimester :) I’m not as tired as I was last month. Siap rajin masak nasi ayam and serawa durian for the whole family last week.

This week rasa nak ajak hubby pergi jalan-jalan tengok barang baby. Since twins are usually delivered earlier at 37/38 weeks and the double load may not be as easy to carry around by the time I’m 7-8 months pregnant, we figured we better start baby shopping a bit earlier this time around.

A lil update on my biggie boy :)

Yesterday, due to the Ma.laysia vs Sing.apore game, the three of us turn in a bit early and lepak in the master bedroom to watch the game. The TV was blaring and we laid down the comforter so that Lan can lepak in front of the tv (konon feel la lagi dekat dgn padang haha) My son thought it was “party time” since mummy and daddy let him play outside his cot despite it being his bedtime. He went to the TV cabinet, picked his favorite “dat gum” DVD (i.e. Mater from Cars compilation DVD) and asked me to on the VCR. (siap ambikkan remote ok).

I told him “Sorry Ryan, not today. Today is daddy’s turn to watch the TV and he wants to watch football. We have to share so you can’t watch that now ok” He tried his luck again with his big brown eyes wide open “Mie, dat gum”. Trying to be firm, I told him “No baby, maybe tomorrow morning, now is time for bed, esok nak school, please put the CD back dekat rack” with muka disappointed he walked and put the DVD back and went to sleep.

This morning, he woke up a bit earlier. He did something that he NEVER did before, he opened his eyes, looked at me and gave my sleeve a tug “Mie..Mie.. tu tu” pointing at the TV. I was a bit confused at first when he continued “Dat gum Dat gum k” while jumping up and down the bed. Ya Allah, he remembered my promise to him last night. Lan and I just looked at each other a bit shocked but since I promised, I grudgingly allowed him to watch the DVD before school. Lesson learned?? Next time I better be more mindful of the things I promise junior hehe :)