FarRy TaLes: The Great Expectations and Compromise

It have been 2 weeks since I attended the pre-wedding course, so I had 2 weeks to mulled over the things that I've learned. One common theme that keep on cropping before/during and after the course was the issue of compromise and expectations.

I don't know about you but I don't have any huge expectations that life after wedding would be 100% sweet, fairy tale happy ending thingy. At the same time, being a not so cynical person (haha) I do expect a lot of laughter, joy and plenty of sharing. I love my fiance' but I do know that there are going to be times in the near future where we may not like each other very much. I expect all of that. Maybe not 100% prepared but it is expected. I believe that when the time comes, if our love is strong enough, *insyallah* we will conquer.

A lot of discussion have transpired in the event of this upcoming wedding. The discussion is on-going and kind of seeped through sometimes mundane conversation in our everyday activity. Like : looking at the traffic light turning red and going " B, do you thing I would look good in a red songket for the reception" or going to the photostat shop and suggesting "maybe we should pull a 'Maya Karin' and just photostat our wedding cards"and it goes on and on...

If you realised, though those discussion may be "biasa", there is actually a lot of power playing involved. Who makes the decision, who is making all the sacrifice and compromised, who is bull headed etc. those things can be seen very early on. It's just the matter of how perspective and attentive you are to your partner.

Getting ready for the wedding in one small issue compared to as to what is going to happen AFTER the wedding, there are people who is already in a marriage but still failed to discuss their short/long term plans. I agree that you can't control everything but like preparing thoroughly for a court case,discussing things early on you will save yourself from a lot of unexpected and unwanted SURPRISES!

For example on the issues of babies: The husband may want a big family but the wife may prefer a smaller one. I've heard this arguments esp. from husband to be and guys who already married. "I want 5-6 kids" - "Ok, what do your wife think about this?" "Oh, she'll have to agree with me because I'm her husband and it's a sin for her to defy me"

Errmm hello??? Yes, I wholeheartedly agree that it is a sin for any wife to defy her husband's order (for lack of better word) but do exercise the 3C's : COMPROMISE, COMPASSION AND CONSIDERATION. Having babies is NOT like buying Barbie Dolls, you need to take care of them, feed them and educate them. The problem with some people they lack the ability to think far.

Yes, each baby come with their own "rezeki" but with each "rezeki" comes with a greater responsibility. I agree that I have no experience of giving birth to a baby, but I have actively care for my cousins (i.e : changing diapers, bathing, feeding) suffered through their endless crying (Have you ever been alone with a colicky baby who cried until he turned blue? well I have and trust me the experience is excruciatingly scary) and I know it is not going to be easy. Your little bundle of joy will take 3/4 of your attention from other things as they are going to be the most important thing to you (esp. to mother's) divide that "joy" by 5/6 to that attention. Can you give each kid the same attention? That is where "quality vs quantity" discussion come in, as reminded by one of the Uztazah during the course. Sometimes, you can't have it all...

Let's not forget the issue of money, expenses, household responsibilities, children education (yes this may seem like a long way to go, even if you get pregnant straight away, but do you realised how expensive is mengaji classes, music classes, baby gym etc going to be?? you need loads and loads of $$$ to give your kids the best...)

Have Lan and I discussed this issue? Yes! Do we agree on everything? Not at all. Do we respect each other opinion? We try our best to listen to each other and try not to ridicule the other person opinion. (It's hard but some how it's working *alhamdullilah* :p haha)

So what's going to happen next? Well first I have to decide on a wedding theme colour to a wedding less than 6 months away. Azlan would need to be patient with my indecisiveness, I would need to resigned to the fact that my hubby to be is just not interested in the various tones of white and cream and not start accusing him of not being interested in our wedding (melodrama) So that is one hurdle to face.We'll talk about the other compromise as and when the need arises...

Next: The veil, bouquet and bridesmaid dress

WHY I SHOULD RESIGNED AND BE THE NEXT DAVID TUTTERA :)
Anyway, we threw a baby shower for Sherry my Head of Department on Thursday and everybody had loads of fun (despite innitial and unnecessary intrusion from SOME people). The pics are attached below, enjoy!!! I'm just so good at organising parties... hahahah